The meaning of life is not 42.

What is the meaning of life? they always ask. Why are we here?

They ask expecting words in response, as though words can contain an answer. What is life? I cannot say.

But I know.

We all know.

Life has meaning outside of a word, of a sentence, of a book. The meaning of life cannot be expressed, cannot be contained in any limited human construct. The meaning of life is contained in its very existence.

So to all who have life, it’s meaning should be apparent. It is not cheapened through words; it is not written in any book, or damaged by the limit of human reason. Life simply is, and all who have it know.

 

To those who have ran through a sprinkler on a hot summer day,

you know.

To those who have danced in the rain when no one was watching,

you know.

To those who have felt a tear on their cheek,

who have faltered,

who have stumbled,

who have clung to their pillow and cried and cried and cried,

who have felt the sting of rejection,

and the warmth of welcoming arms,

you know.

To any who have kissed a lover’s lips,

who have heard the nighttime wind whisper through the trees,

who have stood on a hill and marveled at the stars and the moon and all the universe,

who have run through a field as the sun dipped the earth in liquid gold and breathed in sunshine until day gave birth to night,

surely, you know what life is.

 

Life is in the hum of cicadas in late August;

it is in the grass,

in the soil,

in the heat of the sun against your cheek;

it is in every breath,

in the sweet scent of spring,

in a pair of lips against your neck,

in warm arms,

laughter,

a heart beat. Thump.

 

Life carries itself in the very wind.

It walks with dignity and steels itself with courage.

Life is fearless, passionate. It wears a scarlet gown.

Life explains itself to no one.

 

What is the meaning of life, they always ask. Why are we here?

Why, indeed? I should say, you must already know.

Weddings, Love, & the Future

After an entire life of intensive introspection the only thing I have been able to conclude is that I really know nothing about myself.

My sister got married yesterday. I didn’t cry.

haha i’m heartless lol

My whole life people have told me how emotional I am. I have always been intensely dubious of this. Yesterday should have proven myself right. Emotional people cry at weddings, especially at their sister’s weddings. I did not cry at my sister’s wedding. Therefore, I am not emotional.

But I cried the day before she got married. And the day before that. Why? I didn’t understand it. And now I have a lingering feeling that I can’t name. And I’ve been doing/saying weird things. Really weird things. Like… thinking about weddings. And… love.

wat

Yes, I said the l word. And I don’t mean lesbians.

I said in my speech to my sister that Marc and her were “soulmates.” But what does that mean, really? I mean… is there one person in the world that would be perfect for you? Are there people who just don’t have one and will never find one?  I’ve lived my whole life thinking I would live and die alone, but after seeing the love my sister and her husband have for each other, my impenetrable stone wall of skepticism started to crack. Maybe… maybe there is someone out there for me?

hahah lol ur funny WAIT WAT

I said in my Maid of Honor speech that growing up I always thought a soulmate would live in some far off place and I would have to go on some epic, grand adventure to find him, while my sister thought she could find true love everywhere. That’s true. Now look where those two attitudes have led us.

My sister.

Me.

Now here’s the kicker: if I was unemotional, why would I care?

The day before my sister’s wedding, I started crying while singing this song:

There’s just something about that song that makes me very sad when I sing it. And I think it’s because I have no one to sing it to.

#cue sentimental transition

While I was looking for quotes for my Maid of Honor speech, I stumbled upon this bad boy:

“Remember, beneath every cynic lies a romantic, and probably an injured one.” -Glenn Beck

Glenn Beck, you’re speaking right into my soul here. Yes, I think you’re right. I’m a cynic, and it’s bad for me. It’s poison. I use it to shield myself from the future when I’m struggling with past wrongs. I’ve been hurt by people who said that they loved me,  so I rejected the idea of love altogether. And now I’m starting to see that it’s that attitude that has kept me by myself for so long.

Kaylee, if you’re reading this, your life has taught me the most valuable lesson I’ll ever learn: Positive attitude equals positive outcomes. I know I’m a difficult person, but I’m not unlovable. If I want to fall in love, I will. I’m just waiting for the right person to come along, because I know that only someone very special would ever be able to put up with me for too long. 😉 But he’s out there. Somewhere. All I have to do is live my life how God intended, and be happy, and be positive, and I’ll have people to love and cherish me no matter how weird I am. 🙂

And now I know why I didn’t cry at my sister’s wedding. Because the fact that she found someone to love and cherish her is the happiest, most amazing thing to ever happen to her. And there’s no way anyone could be sad about that. Not at all.

Aloha, Web Blogging.

Well, I’ve finally converted. I’ve succumbed to peer-pressure and now here I am, one amongst millions of virtually unread and discarded blogs that exists on the internet. Seriously though. Who is going to read this thing? Probably no one. I don’t possess the mysterious magical gift that makes one internet-famous and gets you accepted into Hogwarts. But oh well, world. Here I am, one lousy little Muggle, working against all odds to make a small impact on some stranger’s laptop somewhere. I know those are big ambitions, but I gotta try. As the Little Train Engine Who Could said, I think I can I think I can I think I can I think I can… (please ignore the fact that the Little Train Engine Who Could is an inanimate object and could not think anyway).

Moral of the story: Work as hard an an insentient, unfeeling, inexhaustible machine, and you just might make it in life. Huzzah!

Anyway, if I actually start this thing, I’ll try to update it everyday, or at least once a week when things get busy. I’ll mostly just be posting something I’ve learned this week a la Twilight Sparkle, except with a little less stories about friendship. And magic. And little ponies.

Hopefully you lot will come back to read up on my vastly interesting* life. If you don’t then I’ll… I’ll..!         probably not do anything. But you’ll feel bad about yourself. So you should read my stuff out of pity and/or to ease your conscience. Pity comments are always appreciated, of course (e.g. “Wow, this is a great blog! I totally did not skim through everything out of boredom and only commented on it to make you feel better!”).

Wish me luck!

-Tegan J.C.

*not interesting